Source: Ideas: Where do they come from
I love change. Sometimes, I just have to move some furniture around, even if it’s just one chair turned to a slightly different angle. Somehow, that makes me feel good, energized, refreshed and new, and then I feel like I can accomplish anything. Change can be that powerful. I can’t explain it other then the fact that I don’t like things to be sedentary, everything must move and change.
Sometimes change like this works wonders and sometimes it backfires.
I have this thing about my hair. I feel like I need to change it up all the time….and for a few years, I have actually had pretty much the same hair, at least a very similar hair coloring. I thought this was good, I was getting comfortable with the style and color, feeling good about myself, and was feeling good about my hair.
Then BAM!! It hits me…. I NEED TO CHANGE MY HAIR! And there was no stopping me. I was totally convinced and loved the idea, loved the new possibilities and I even rationalized it and I believed it!
#1. My hair is too damaged from all the bleaching, let’s start over again and cut it short
sometimes too much of a change ends up being uncomfortable
#2. I am now a grandma and should look like one (OK, I don’t think I ever bought into that rationale, but there it is)
or what we make ourselves think the change is all about
#3. If I’m gonna do this, I will go to another hair dresser, maybe someone that doesn’t charge as much as some people pay for their monthly electrical bills (those without solar)
and sometimes it’s the worst mistake at the moment, not be repeated again. you get what you pay for
Let me continue to be open and honest here……
…..I have the same hair color, the same cut (basically) as my 91 yr old mom, and I am nowhere close to that age.
Make the change you need to make, then sit back and get used to it…. or make another change….keep it rolling till you feel good, energized, refreshed and new.
Enjoy the refreshing change as long as it lasts…. until the next BAM comes along.
“Wait till you hold your first grand baby, you will fall in love”
“After you hold her, you won’t want to come home”
“You will love her more than you love your own children”
My GBG (Grand Baby Girl) has arrived. She is a beautiful little girl, perfect in every way.
When we arrived 6 days after she was born, I was eagerly anticipating the “falling in love” feeling as soon as I held her. So when I sat down, stretched out my arms and my son handed his beautiful daughter to me, I looked at her as she was sleeping unaware of being held by anyone, much less her Grandma, and….I didn’t feel any different. I was waiting for this overwhelming abundance of emotion….but it never came.
I smiled as I looked at her, filled with gratitude for this sweet little precious life. I loved holding her, loved looking at her, smelling her baby smell, kissing her forehead, and seeing her eyes open for the first time. Wow, she has beautiful big eyes. I could hold her for hours remembering how I used to hold her dad when he was that little. Oh, but wait…. she is 6.12 lb and he was born at 9.3 lb. Yes, he was a big baby from the start.
After our first visit, I was talking to my husband and my daughter and a couple of my already grandma friends, about the lack of my “falling in love” with this sweet little child.
“What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I feel this overwhelming feeling? Am I a cold person?” I was genuinely feeling scared and confused and frankly worried.
My already grandma friends let me know that they felt the same way. The hype about falling in love immediately and having a hard time leaving the baby is somewhat a myth. As the baby grows and we spend more time together, the “falling in love” does happen. My already grandma friends and I agree that the hype of “falling in love” and “just can’t leave the child” feeling is overrated and that more new grandma’s feel the way I do, just don’t want to admit it. This does not mean that we don’t love our GBs, we do, just not the way we were made to believe we would love. Granted, there are those ladies that grab onto their new grand babies and have a hard time letting go…but I am not qualified to discuss those issues.
I’m looking at the calendar and booking my flight to see my new GBG in a month or two. Who knows if this will be the “falling in love” visit…. I have a feeling it just might happen.
I have been and always will be a mom to two wonderful now grown children.
I have never been a grandparent, a parent to my children’s children. Isn’t that what grandparent means? Taking care of your children’s children and making sure they turn out right.
I am NOW a grandparent. She has finally entered this wonderful world. I am very happy for her, and kind of scared for her. There are a lot of crazy things happening on this planet, but then there are also many wonderful things going on.
She has wonderful parents, they care for each other, for the environment and for others. (We, moms to each of them, have raised them to be great loving people) That alone should be enough to keep me feeling good about her upbringing. Right? You would think so. But NO!
Let me clarify that….. I am kind of a control freak. To my defense, I have gotten much better as I’ve matured, but still have those control issues. So, now as a parent to my children’s children, I feel that I need to make sure they are raising my GBG (grand baby girl) correctly.
This is insane!!!!! On one hand, I claimed that her mom and dad are raised well and are wonderfully adjusted adults, and on the other hand I want to control how they raise my GBG. Crazy …. right?
Yes, it is crazy….but as a parent to my children’s children doesn’t that give me the right to make sure they do it right? NOPE!
After all… they’ve never done this before. How would they know what to do?
Hmmmm…. thinking here….then I hear this coming from deep within me (well, actually it’s my husband, but we won’t tell him that) “you knew what to do, you raised your children and you did a great job”
Ahhhh, yes…… feeling more relaxed now….
The only thing that I need to do is spoil my sweet GBG. OK, I can do that and do it very well. Now, let’s go and see this precious GBG, ’cause I’m ready to spoil her.
I was never one that had to have a grand baby. I thought if it happens that would be great, if it doesn’t that would be OK too. I was content with life as it is now, two married children to wonderful spouses and a fantastic second marriage for me. Life is great.
Then on Christmas, as we were all together, my son and his sweet wife announced that they are expecting a baby sometime in July. I had no idea, not a clue and was very happily surprised. I immediately thought it was going to be a boy. I had nothing to based it on just my first inclination. On the other hand, my husband suspected something almost as soon as they arrived a couple of days before they made the announcement and I was oblivious.
I thought I would start shopping for the baby the very next day, but to my surprise, the need to do that wasn’t there at all. I was happy, but no overbearing about it. I wondered if there was something wrong with me, as not wanting this child, being selfish, not knowing how to love etc. But then, about 4-5 months into the pregnancy I started to feel that this new little baby, is going to be a big part of my life and I started to feel more excitement and joy for this new life.
That’s when I decided to crochet a blanket for the new baby. At the time, I didn’t know the sex of the baby and decided to make one with a lot of happy colors. After doing some web search I found a pattern that I could just look at and replicate. This is thanks for my mom for teaching me the basics of crocheting. After starting it way to wide, I had to end it before it was big enough for a twin size bed.
I liked making these so much, that I contacted the local Shriners Hospital for children and offered to make them small lap blankets for their patients. They were very happy to accept. As to date, I have donated 12 and have 4 more to donate, with more to come.
The new GBG (Grand Baby Girl) is to arrive anytime now. I’m waiting for the day to meet her, hold her and experience the grandparent love that everyone told me about.
More to come…..